Agent Orange and Kids

A couple of weeks ago I had my fourth colonoscopy and had 12 polyps. Most, or all of them, were pre-cancerous. I had to go see a Genetics person as the Doctor wanted to do a study on my family (brothers and sisters) and he wanted to start with me. And then, perhaps their children based on how the tests come out. The Genetics person said I have a bad gene that probably came from my mothers side. She also stated what the Doctor stated, that I am at very high risk and will probably end up with cancer.

During this first meeting I actually spoke with her about Agent Orange. I told her that almost every morning around 4:00 a.m. they loaded choppers with herbicides for spraying the jungle. The helipad that the choppers were being loaded with was on a secondary helipad next to the one bringing in casualties. I had been on that helipad numerous times and was on-duty when they were loaded. This helipad had 50 gallon drums filled with what we understood as herbicides. Some staff at the hospital would from, time to time, fly with the crew during spraying. 

Anyway, I told her of my concern regarding Agent Orange contact, or at least, the contact with those herbicides on the helipad. (From what I now understand all Vietnam Veterans have been considered as having Agent Orange contact.) I told her of my concern for having children and my fear of birth defects and that I could not face those risks. I told her I made the decision not to have children. After I finished she said I now have another big risk for cancer. She stated that I probably made a good decision not to have children and the horrible effects of Agent Orange including birth defects.

I have never regretted the decision to not have birth children. I do have two adopted children including one from Korea and I love both dearly. When I look at them I only see them as my children just as it should be. I also have a step-daughter who I love just as much as my adopted children.

Anyway, tomorrow I'll be back for some extensive blood work and will be followed closely and we'll see how this all plays out. One can only have faith.

Vietnam Moving Wall in Omaha

The Moving Vietnam Wall was here in Omaha for the last week at Memorial Park and I went to see it on Sunday around 10:30 p.m. It was its last night here and I could not get it out of my mind and knew I had to go see it. There was only one other person there when I arrived other than the former Vietnam Veteran who was there to answer questions, etc. He said that huge crowds of people have been there during the week and he thought so few people were there now as they thought they we loading up that night for the next destination. I’ve been to the Moving Wall twice before, once in Omaha and once in Littleton, CO. Even though I’ve seen it before I was overwhelmed with emotions as I walked up to it. Even in the smaller Traveling form it seems so huge with over 58,000 names on it in white against the black wall.

The Vietnam Veteran there to assist told me where to find the four panels for GIs who died while I was in Vietnam. I know I was with many of them when they died or shortly after they died. Although I did now know their names I wanted to touch the names on the panel, pay my respects and say some prayers. After that I walked the length of the Wall saying prayers as I did. Later as I was standing there the Vietnam Veteran who spoke to me earlier who had asked if I had served In-Country and welcomed me home came and spoke with me. He said “You know, it’s not over.”. He went on to say he has Stage 4 cancer from Agent Orange and spoke about women veterans whose children suffer from birth defects as well as other conditions Vietnam Veterans face such as Diabetes. We then stood silently together for a few minutes. I then shook his hand and thanked him and left. I was so glad he had spoken to me and it brought such comfort.

You know, there is a song in the play “Miss Saigon” where one of the lines state “I’ll never leave Vietnam”. I don’t believe that a day has ever gone by that I have not thought about Vietnam, the people I was stationed with, what I did, saw, and especially those who were wounded or died. And I have realized some time ago that I have never left Vietnam, nor will I ever as it will always be with me.