The Parade

I was living in Denver at the end of the Gulf War and my mom called to tell me that there was going to be a parade on July 4th. That parade was going to be with Gulf War service men and women as well as current service men and women. Former service men and women from WW2, Korea and Vietnam, would also be in the parade. My mom gave me the number and name of a person to call to participate in the parade as we were coming back to Omaha for July 4th. Over the next month or so she kept calling me to make sure I was going to participate in the parade. But that wasn't something I could bring myself to do. Coming back to the states after Vietnam was terrible expereince. There was no welcome and there were people here in the States that had no problem telling me we lost the war, were drug addicts, baby killers, etc. I tried never to speak of Vietnam or serving there and was full of anger and held everything in. I longed to be back in Vietnam and missed those I served with at the 24th, my family.

I was in Omaha July 4th and my families home was about 10 blocks from the parade route. They were getting ready to go and kept on me until I finally agreed to go. At the parade there was a huge contigent of Gulf War and current service men and women. The applause, screaming and support was wonderful and full of energy. It was much the same for the WW2 veterans. However, when the Korean War veterans from the "Forgotten War" marched through the applause, etc. was more subdued. Then in the distance I saw the contigent of Vietnam Veterans coming our way. And I noticed just how quiet the acknowledgement for this group was. A marked difference. I was also amazed at some of those Vietnam Veterans marching in the parade. I knew a number of them and worked with a number of them but had no idea they served in Vietnam. And as they grew closer I noticed the pain and suffering on their faces and I was overwhelmed with sadness. I knew what they were feeling and the pain they were in. I wondered why the fuck I even went. I knew it would be a mistke.

Later at home my brother stated he was at the end of the parade. He spoke of just how emotional some of the Vietnam Veterans were. He spoke of the anger some of them expressed, some of them crying, etc. He said one of them was visibly angry and stated that all of this was "Too little, too late." Hearing this not only confirmed my feelings watching the parade but brought me even more sadness.

I often hear that those service members who served in war after Vietnam have the support and respect of the American public and will never be treated as Vietnam Veterans. This is as it should be as those who serve and fight for our Country only deserve our thanks, respect, support and appreciation.

After all these years I still long to be back in Vietnam with those I served with and I miss them, but I know I can never go back but my mind doesn't seem to understand. One thing for certain, I will never forget those brave young men and women who served in Vietnam and they will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

Iraq War is Over

Today President Obama announced that the Iraq War is basically over and all service men and women will be back in the States by Christmas. As time goes on I'm sure we'll hear more about it ending and there will be a lot of discussion on whether or not we lost or won, will Iraq succeed without us, etc. But I think one thing is for certain, that regardless of how one felt about the war, there was always support for our troops and this Country appreciated their sacrifice and service. Our troops have always been in my thoughts and prayers and I continue to pray for them and their families. May God keep them safe until they return.

Next Stop - Ft. Carson

A couple days ago I posted a video I saw on You Tube honoring those who served in a medical or dustoff capacity in Vietnam. It has really affected me and I feel such sadness and loss right now. It also got me thinking of my new duty station after Vietnam. Once my leave was over I headed for Ft. Carson, CO. Being back in the states for those 30 days seemed to really mess me up and I longed to be back at the 24th in Vietnam with people I knew, my family. I flew to Denver and then to Colorado Springs. My duffle bag didn't make it so I had to wait for the next plane to see if it was on that one, which it was. But I could not make myself grab some transportation and head off to Ft. Carson. I just sat there in the baggage area. I don't know for how long but it seemed like hours. Finally I headed off for Ft. Carson. I checked in and got my temporary barracks and some chow. Later that night on the national news there was a story on Vietnam and right before my eyes was the 24th Evac and they were talking with the guys I was stationed with in the A&D and others I knew. It made me even more messed up than I was. The next day I had to police the area and pick up cigarette butts. I thought "What the Fuck am I doing." 30 days ago I was bagging bodies and taking care of the wounded and now I'm picking up cigarette butts in December at Ft. Carson. I believe later that day was the day I was assigned to a barracks for in-processing which took about a week and I was so scared, numb, lonely, you name it. I guess God was with me and knew I felt I was at the end of my rope.

I met two other GI's also in-processing. I know one and feel sure the other one as well was just back from Vietnam. I remember one had his spleen taken out. I stated in a earlier post how funny I found it in the service at how quickly one established a friendship / bond with other GI's and this was again one of those cases. We were billeted in an old World War II barracks. I don't remember how we connected but it was quick. One of them had a car and asked us if we wanted to check out the surrounding area. So, after duty each day we would go off to explore Cripple Creek, Colorado or Manitou Springs or a local restaurant. It was a very quiet and subdued time together. We didn't speak of the war and our conversations were really quiet, low key and they were also very calming to me. Every night for a week we were off together and each night was much the same. I cannot put into words how much this meant to me and at that time it saved me. Soon the week was over and the one with car got his assignment and was gone. The one without the spleen and I had yet to be assigned and he only had a few months until he got discharged. I was talked to and told what Unit I'd be assigned to. My new friend wanted to be assigned with me and I felt the same. I did go and speak to the Staff Sergeant working on the assignments and tried my best to get him assigned with me but unfortunately that was not to be. Soon we said our goodbyes and I was off to my new Unit. I never saw either of them again but I am so thankful our paths crossed even if only for a short time.

I'd like to say that things went well from then on but things started to go bad over time and within six months I was facing one of the most difficult situations I had ever experienced and one that could change my life forever.

I'll Never Leave Vietnam

There is a song in the play Miss Saigon that has a verse that includes "I'll Never Leave Vietnam." For me, and I suspect most others, that is true. It may sound strange, but in my mind I am always there and think of Vietnam throughout the day and then in my dreams at night. I miss those I had the honor of working with at the 24th Evac and always think of those who died or were wounded who came through our hospital.

I found this video tonight honoring those who served in a medical or dustoff capacity and the 24th is included. I found it so overwhelming and I wanted to share it.

Agent Orange and Kids

A couple of weeks ago I had my fourth colonoscopy and had 12 polyps. Most, or all of them, were pre-cancerous. I had to go see a Genetics person as the Doctor wanted to do a study on my family (brothers and sisters) and he wanted to start with me. And then, perhaps their children based on how the tests come out. The Genetics person said I have a bad gene that probably came from my mothers side. She also stated what the Doctor stated, that I am at very high risk and will probably end up with cancer.

During this first meeting I actually spoke with her about Agent Orange. I told her that almost every morning around 4:00 a.m. they loaded choppers with herbicides for spraying the jungle. The helipad that the choppers were being loaded with was on a secondary helipad next to the one bringing in casualties. I had been on that helipad numerous times and was on-duty when they were loaded. This helipad had 50 gallon drums filled with what we understood as herbicides. Some staff at the hospital would from, time to time, fly with the crew during spraying. 

Anyway, I told her of my concern regarding Agent Orange contact, or at least, the contact with those herbicides on the helipad. (From what I now understand all Vietnam Veterans have been considered as having Agent Orange contact.) I told her of my concern for having children and my fear of birth defects and that I could not face those risks. I told her I made the decision not to have children. After I finished she said I now have another big risk for cancer. She stated that I probably made a good decision not to have children and the horrible effects of Agent Orange including birth defects.

I have never regretted the decision to not have birth children. I do have two adopted children including one from Korea and I love both dearly. When I look at them I only see them as my children just as it should be. I also have a step-daughter who I love just as much as my adopted children.

Anyway, tomorrow I'll be back for some extensive blood work and will be followed closely and we'll see how this all plays out. One can only have faith.

Vietnam Moving Wall in Omaha

The Moving Vietnam Wall was here in Omaha for the last week at Memorial Park and I went to see it on Sunday around 10:30 p.m. It was its last night here and I could not get it out of my mind and knew I had to go see it. There was only one other person there when I arrived other than the former Vietnam Veteran who was there to answer questions, etc. He said that huge crowds of people have been there during the week and he thought so few people were there now as they thought they we loading up that night for the next destination. I’ve been to the Moving Wall twice before, once in Omaha and once in Littleton, CO. Even though I’ve seen it before I was overwhelmed with emotions as I walked up to it. Even in the smaller Traveling form it seems so huge with over 58,000 names on it in white against the black wall.

The Vietnam Veteran there to assist told me where to find the four panels for GIs who died while I was in Vietnam. I know I was with many of them when they died or shortly after they died. Although I did now know their names I wanted to touch the names on the panel, pay my respects and say some prayers. After that I walked the length of the Wall saying prayers as I did. Later as I was standing there the Vietnam Veteran who spoke to me earlier who had asked if I had served In-Country and welcomed me home came and spoke with me. He said “You know, it’s not over.”. He went on to say he has Stage 4 cancer from Agent Orange and spoke about women veterans whose children suffer from birth defects as well as other conditions Vietnam Veterans face such as Diabetes. We then stood silently together for a few minutes. I then shook his hand and thanked him and left. I was so glad he had spoken to me and it brought such comfort.

You know, there is a song in the play “Miss Saigon” where one of the lines state “I’ll never leave Vietnam”. I don’t believe that a day has ever gone by that I have not thought about Vietnam, the people I was stationed with, what I did, saw, and especially those who were wounded or died. And I have realized some time ago that I have never left Vietnam, nor will I ever as it will always be with me.

The Australian Soldier's English

There was an article this week in our local paper regarding English language barriers between Soldiers from Iowa and New Zealand Soldiers in Afghanistan. Even though both use the English language they had difficulty understanding each other and meaning of the words were different. Of course reading the story brought memories to my mind. In Vietnam we had soldiers from Thailand, Australia, New Zealand, South Korea, etc. and of course there were all types of language barriers. To me, the funniest and craziest was when we had an Australian Soldier come in. He was carrying on and laughing and talking and I was at a total lost as to what he was saying due to his accent and meaning of words being different that mine. This seemed to amuse him and he just started talking more and more and became very animated as I became more and more confused. I think the only thing I ever got out of the conversation was something about someone looking like a monkey looking out of a cage. I knew he was not talking about me but could not follow who he was talking about. He was only around for about 10 minutes or so and I think he brought in another Australian GI to the ER and then he was off. He was quite the character, one whose personality would match what I have heard as far as description of Australians. I had always hoped to take a trip down under to visit my Austrailan Brothers but know I'll not have that opportunity, but that will no prevent me from downing a beer and toasting my mates.