December and the Greatest Generation

December is always a month when my emotions run rampant. It is the month I left for and arrived in Vietnam - 1970. I think of my journey and how lucky I was to have so many wonderful GI's cross my path while in the Army, if only for a short time. They were my co-workers, defenders, friends and confidants. They were soldiers who defended their country and who came when they were called. At the 24th they were the ones who cared for, and saved, so many lives. They were skilled, dedicated and caring and I'm so proud that I was able to be part of the 24th.

December brings great sadness. I guess that is because that is the time when my life was forever changed. I'm sad that I am no longer there and I miss those who I have crossed paths with and the friends I made while in the service. There is also great sadness, horror and loss as I think of those who came in who were wounded so badly and those who died fighting for our freedoms. Their images are forever burned in my memory.

December is also the month Pearl Harbor was bombed and when one hears even more of the Greatest Generation, those who served in WW2 or were a part of that period. I really began to wonder this year about who the Greatest Generation is. As I've thought about this I came to believe that Greatest Generation should not be limited to WW2. We have those who served during the Korean War - the Silent War. Were they not the Greatest Generation of their time? Aren't those who served in Vietnam the Greatest Generation? We also have those who served in the Persian Gulf War, Iraq and Afghanistan, are they not the Greatest Generation of their time? Who determines who the Greatest Generation is? Should we not consider that all service men and women who served are part of the Greatest Generation of their time?

And one should also consider the support of the American Public. It was firmly behind our Country during WW2. What was it during the Korean War? I know it was not there during the Vietnam war. Does the lacking of that support make those who served less than the Greatest Generation? I don't believe it does. Servicemen and women served, supported, fought, were wounded and died no matter what or when the war was. And each war has different circumstances, struggles, etc. And regardless of what the American public felt of that war, those who served came when they were called. They did not decide to start a war to go to war, they just came when called and because of them we, as Americans, have the freedoms we have today. And regardless of what Americans think of the war, they should never take it out on a service member or veteran - just provide full support and respect for him or her regardless of the war.

So as December ends I again find myself is this very emotional state of happiness, sorrow, horror and anger. (The same emotions I feel throughout the year.) I know I will never forget, nor would I want to forget. I will always miss those I served with. And to those patients who were ill, wounded or died and our paths crossed - there is a special place in my heart for you and you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Leaving for the World - 1971

On Thanksgiving day, 1971, I was rushing to outprocess and leave Vietnam that night. Due to a hunting accident my 12 year old brother was in, my DROS date was moved up a week. The night before leaving I was on duty. I remember an ambulance driver crying as he hugged me and said goodbye Since this happened so quickly I didn't have the opportunity to say the things I would have like to have said or to say any goodbyes. How I regret that. Never a day passes where I don't think of those I was stationed at the 24th Evac, especially on Thanksgiving day. Although our paths crossed for a very short time, memories of them are burned in my mind forever and as time passes I miss them even more. It is so overwhelming and I feel so lost and confused. I cannot put into words how much I miss them. They were my friends, my family, etc. I just wanted to say how much I miss them. So as this Thanksgivng day ends, I'll keep you even closer in my thoughts and prayers.

My sister's death.

This has been a horrible week. My 56 year old sister was found dead at home on Monday morning at 8:17 a.m. They believe she died on Sunday night around 8:00 p.m. Her body was released around noon after they determined that her death was probably caused by a new medication but it could have been a result of a heart attack or stroke. When they released her body I and two of my brothers helped pick her up off the floor with the attendants from the mortuary and put her in the bag. I then helped put put her feet in and cover them with the bag so it could be zipped up. Doing this reminded me even more of the 24th and the many many times I prepared and bagged those killed in the field or who died at the hospital.

My sister was single and never had any children. She has served cookies at the VA, baked and was active with some veteran organizations. Although I never really spoke of the war she would give me Army pens, gave me some very good movies regarding Vietnam, discretely passed me a Kleenex when taps were played and within the last couple months gave me a book signed by the Vietnam Veteran who wrote it. I just can't believe this has happened to someone so wonderful and caring.

I wanted to go to Mass this morning but was unable to do so. Vietnam and my fallen brothers has been in my mind and I prayed for them but have been so overwhelmed I could not do what I wanted to do this Veterans Day.

I want let my fellow Veterans that I am thinking of them and they are in my prayers as well as those who have passed. And to my sister I want to say thank you for the many acts of kindness and that you will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

The Parade

I was living in Denver at the end of the Gulf War and my mom called to tell me that there was going to be a parade on July 4th. That parade was going to be with Gulf War service men and women as well as current service men and women. Former service men and women from WW2, Korea and Vietnam, would also be in the parade. My mom gave me the number and name of a person to call to participate in the parade as we were coming back to Omaha for July 4th. Over the next month or so she kept calling me to make sure I was going to participate in the parade. But that wasn't something I could bring myself to do. Coming back to the states after Vietnam was terrible expereince. There was no welcome and there were people here in the States that had no problem telling me we lost the war, were drug addicts, baby killers, etc. I tried never to speak of Vietnam or serving there and was full of anger and held everything in. I longed to be back in Vietnam and missed those I served with at the 24th, my family.

I was in Omaha July 4th and my families home was about 10 blocks from the parade route. They were getting ready to go and kept on me until I finally agreed to go. At the parade there was a huge contigent of Gulf War and current service men and women. The applause, screaming and support was wonderful and full of energy. It was much the same for the WW2 veterans. However, when the Korean War veterans from the "Forgotten War" marched through the applause, etc. was more subdued. Then in the distance I saw the contigent of Vietnam Veterans coming our way. And I noticed just how quiet the acknowledgement for this group was. A marked difference. I was also amazed at some of those Vietnam Veterans marching in the parade. I knew a number of them and worked with a number of them but had no idea they served in Vietnam. And as they grew closer I noticed the pain and suffering on their faces and I was overwhelmed with sadness. I knew what they were feeling and the pain they were in. I wondered why the fuck I even went. I knew it would be a mistke.

Later at home my brother stated he was at the end of the parade. He spoke of just how emotional some of the Vietnam Veterans were. He spoke of the anger some of them expressed, some of them crying, etc. He said one of them was visibly angry and stated that all of this was "Too little, too late." Hearing this not only confirmed my feelings watching the parade but brought me even more sadness.

I often hear that those service members who served in war after Vietnam have the support and respect of the American public and will never be treated as Vietnam Veterans. This is as it should be as those who serve and fight for our Country only deserve our thanks, respect, support and appreciation.

After all these years I still long to be back in Vietnam with those I served with and I miss them, but I know I can never go back but my mind doesn't seem to understand. One thing for certain, I will never forget those brave young men and women who served in Vietnam and they will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

Iraq War is Over

Today President Obama announced that the Iraq War is basically over and all service men and women will be back in the States by Christmas. As time goes on I'm sure we'll hear more about it ending and there will be a lot of discussion on whether or not we lost or won, will Iraq succeed without us, etc. But I think one thing is for certain, that regardless of how one felt about the war, there was always support for our troops and this Country appreciated their sacrifice and service. Our troops have always been in my thoughts and prayers and I continue to pray for them and their families. May God keep them safe until they return.

Next Stop - Ft. Carson

A couple days ago I posted a video I saw on You Tube honoring those who served in a medical or dustoff capacity in Vietnam. It has really affected me and I feel such sadness and loss right now. It also got me thinking of my new duty station after Vietnam. Once my leave was over I headed for Ft. Carson, CO. Being back in the states for those 30 days seemed to really mess me up and I longed to be back at the 24th in Vietnam with people I knew, my family. I flew to Denver and then to Colorado Springs. My duffle bag didn't make it so I had to wait for the next plane to see if it was on that one, which it was. But I could not make myself grab some transportation and head off to Ft. Carson. I just sat there in the baggage area. I don't know for how long but it seemed like hours. Finally I headed off for Ft. Carson. I checked in and got my temporary barracks and some chow. Later that night on the national news there was a story on Vietnam and right before my eyes was the 24th Evac and they were talking with the guys I was stationed with in the A&D and others I knew. It made me even more messed up than I was. The next day I had to police the area and pick up cigarette butts. I thought "What the Fuck am I doing." 30 days ago I was bagging bodies and taking care of the wounded and now I'm picking up cigarette butts in December at Ft. Carson. I believe later that day was the day I was assigned to a barracks for in-processing which took about a week and I was so scared, numb, lonely, you name it. I guess God was with me and knew I felt I was at the end of my rope.

I met two other GI's also in-processing. I know one and feel sure the other one as well was just back from Vietnam. I remember one had his spleen taken out. I stated in a earlier post how funny I found it in the service at how quickly one established a friendship / bond with other GI's and this was again one of those cases. We were billeted in an old World War II barracks. I don't remember how we connected but it was quick. One of them had a car and asked us if we wanted to check out the surrounding area. So, after duty each day we would go off to explore Cripple Creek, Colorado or Manitou Springs or a local restaurant. It was a very quiet and subdued time together. We didn't speak of the war and our conversations were really quiet, low key and they were also very calming to me. Every night for a week we were off together and each night was much the same. I cannot put into words how much this meant to me and at that time it saved me. Soon the week was over and the one with car got his assignment and was gone. The one without the spleen and I had yet to be assigned and he only had a few months until he got discharged. I was talked to and told what Unit I'd be assigned to. My new friend wanted to be assigned with me and I felt the same. I did go and speak to the Staff Sergeant working on the assignments and tried my best to get him assigned with me but unfortunately that was not to be. Soon we said our goodbyes and I was off to my new Unit. I never saw either of them again but I am so thankful our paths crossed even if only for a short time.

I'd like to say that things went well from then on but things started to go bad over time and within six months I was facing one of the most difficult situations I had ever experienced and one that could change my life forever.

I'll Never Leave Vietnam

There is a song in the play Miss Saigon that has a verse that includes "I'll Never Leave Vietnam." For me, and I suspect most others, that is true. It may sound strange, but in my mind I am always there and think of Vietnam throughout the day and then in my dreams at night. I miss those I had the honor of working with at the 24th Evac and always think of those who died or were wounded who came through our hospital.

I found this video tonight honoring those who served in a medical or dustoff capacity and the 24th is included. I found it so overwhelming and I wanted to share it.