The Pedro Helicopter

There were two helicopters that really made me nervous when they brought in wounded/causalities. The Loach and the Pedro. I can only remember getting a causality off a Loach once but may times for the Pedro. Working nights when it was completely dark only made it worse. You see, the Pedro (Kaman HH-43 Huski) was short and had two rotor blades inter-meshing together and at an angle (at least while on the ground dropping off wounded. After it landed we*d stand in front of the Pedro with our litter (stretcher) on a gurney. The Pedro would have its spotlight on and it was blinding. Once landed, the pilot would get on his loudspeaker and walk us in to the chopper. He'd say take two steps to the right, a step to the left, etc. until we passed the blades. I could hear them twirling and wind gushing. Then we'd walk to the back of the Pedro and get the wounded off. One that I distinctly remember getting off was a blonde stewardess off (their title back then. The plane carrying GI's into Vietnam had hit turbulence and she was injured. Once we got them on the litter the crew chief would walk us out past the rotors. The crew chief always seemed to have a smile on their face. They probably saw the fear in me caused by those blades. It could be scary as the choppers landed, some damaged, some coming in very fast with casualties, etc. Although scary I didn't really have time to think about it. Getting the wounded and causalities into the ER as soon as possible is what mattered.

The Salute

Veterans can now salute the Flag during the National Anthem, etc. at least according to the VA and laws passed by Congress. Something that I thank should just be considered normal and one that doesn't need a law or an OK to do. Didn't we serve our Country and earn that right? I know there are some sporting events, etc. where veterans are asked to salute during the National Anthem. Well, I was at my grandson's (who we are raising) baseball game. This is a league for children and adults with disabilities and each team has a child or two bring out a flag and the Anthem is played. I finally got up the nerve and saluted the flag at the fourth game. Something I have always wanted to do but have always felt that I was not good enough to have that privilege. After the game my wife asked why I saluted and that I was not in the service. I gave a very very brief response and left it at that. The following week I did the same thing. Later in the day my wife said two men wearing veteran type baseball caps had a lot to say about my salute. They said that it was a disgrace, that I didn't look like a veteran and what right did I have to salute the flag. She said she moved away from them and didn't say anything. I was devastated and hurt and thinking "What right do I have to do that? I spoke with the nut Dr. at the VA the next week and he confirmed it was allowed, OK and that I did deserve that right. The next week I saluted again but carried my dog tags in my pocket. I needed something close to me from the service. The two guys were not there so nothing was said. The last game I again brought dog tags but and the last minute decided not to salute. Sometime after the game my wife brought to my attention that a guy whose son is on our team did not salute and if he was in the service shouldn't he have saluted? It has been so difficult for me as I have always felt the others gave so much in Vietnam and even though I was there I was not worthy. Something I work on all the time with my nut Dr. at the VA. I have always been privately proud of what I did in Vietnam but find it extremely difficult to actually accept and show that pride.

A clean comb.....

There was a Vietnamese woman who was may have been raped and the MP's brought in a GI might has been the one who did it. The way they were going to determine if he did it or not was to comb through his pubic hair and gather hairs. Then those would be looked at to determine if any of those hairs were her's. I remember the search for a brand new, never used, comb. I believe they got one from a Red Cross that goes to new patients or GI's needing personal items. Then there was a request for a volunteer within the ER for someone to go in and comb his pubic hair and gather any loose hairs for testing. Not sure of the outcome but it was such a strange course of events....and it was hard for me to take in or understand. Not sure if it was just my immaturity of things or just the situation and events that transpired that night. I seem to remember this young GI who was quiet and just did as he was asked and who looked scared. Who wouldn't be especially if innocent.

What do I do with all this "Stuff".

The stuff I'm referring to is a storage bin that has what I consider my most treasured items. There is a binder of most of my orders during my time in the service. Most of letters are in there, primarily from Vietnam along with some other items. I have tried going through them recently but struggle in doing so. One letter is about a GI losing an arm in surgery and then going back in and then dying. It talks of a three year old girl with a bullet in her head in surgery and then about a Vietnam women with her insides coming out from wounds and me trying to help the Dr. in the ER and feeling so inadequate and then her death. These letters reflect how uneducated I was, terrible spelling, etc. and just how immature I was at that time. But what they really reflect is the terrible effects of war on civilians, soldiers, etc. I'm reading them probably for the first time as I go through my things and memories flood through my brain. I can only read a few of them and then have to stop. I guess in one way it confirms what has flashed through my memory for all these years and that it was not a dream and really happened. Anyway, I struggle on what to do with the items in this bin. They are of no value to anyone and I know no one in my family would want them. Do I burn them now? Do I have the letters put in my casket when I die or burn them or put the ashes in with me? Stupid I know but I just can't seem to get past what to do with them. So, I'll go through them and put them together and then see where that leads.I suppose in the end I'll burn and bury them and say goodbye.

When the time comes...

I wonder what happens at the end of your life, that time when you are at what is the last moments of your life. I have always hoped that at that time no one would be alone and that a spirit (person or persons) would be there with you and you would not be alone. I really felt that when staying with my dad during the last few days of his hospice at his home. He seem to be acknowledging something, motioning to something and seemed to be communicating with something. When he passed, he was very lucky to have done it in the way he wanted on his terms, in his home and with most of his kids around him. Although I was sad to see him leave us I also felt he was really at peace which made it so much easier. I do believe his parents, especially his mother, came to to be with him at that time. I have heard from others that they believe someone comes and one is not alone. I pray that this is true and I wonder who that would be for me. In my heart and mind I hope it would be someone I was with who passed at the hospital in Vietnam. I remember them. Memories are always with me and I have such guilt that they passed and I did not. It is so hard to even try to attempt to explain my feelings or even try to and I'm sure it probably makes no sense to many but it is how I feel. Many years of guilt, sorrow and memories. I'm and thankful I, and others, were there at there last minutes and although far from home, they did not die alone. I will always remember and my thoughts and prayers are always with their families.

What was I thinking - I'm too old for skating.

I haven't posted for some time, not that I don't have a lot to say. I went to an Autism Roller Skating party with my grandson who is seven and we have legal guardianship of and have had him with us since he was a year old. Well, I had went to a previous party for the school a couple months before but was shaky on the skates although I was a good skater a lot of years ago. I really didn't want to go skating this time but I was worried about him so rented skates. I was doing OK and went out for one or two more go a round's. Right off the bat he and another little skater plowed into me and down all three of us went. I remember falling flat on my left side and the pain in my back, chest and finally wrist and hand. The little guys were OK luckily. My grandson was crying loudly and said I knocked them down. I don't remember it that way but maybe I did. We went to get something to eat and then got him and his cousin to our house. I took a shower and my wife said "Where are you going?" I said to the hospital and off I went. Well, my back was OK and no ribs broken but did break my wrist and a temporary cast put on. It took a couple weeks to get into an Ortho Doc and he confirmed the break and it was a little worse that first thought. I was re-casted and had a cast on for eight weeks. It'll take 8 months for things to get back to a somewhat normal state but at least I have use of my hand again and can once again do things, including typing.

New Omaha VA Hospital and Vietnam

On our local news today one of the main stories was how the Omaha VA needs to build a new hospital. That has been going for a very long time and seems to go backward rather than forward. It now appears that any type of remodel or replacement is years away from a decision. So what's new about that? Nothing. On the local station they interviewed a veteran who stated that this isn't Vietnam where they were drafted to go in. Were volunteering and are not getting service back from our Country. I cannot express my anger at this. A veteran is a veteran is a veteran. To make this worse, this comment is coming from a veteran. So, Vietnam Veterans aren't worthy or deserving as those who volunteered? Over 58,000 GI's lost their lives in Vietnam and I bagged many of them. There were also thousands upon thousands who were wounded. Vietnam Veterans were also treated poorly by many Americans during and after the war. Over the years you heard how that was changing, etc. This comment only proves nothing has really changed. It was just sad that the veteran didn't address that this VA hospital needed to be replaced so that it could provide services to all veterans who honorably served their Country. I'm proud I'm a Vietnam Veteran and part of a group of GI's who served their Country even when their Country didn't support them.