Cancer, Colostomy and a Pool Stick

It has been a long week. My youngest sister was diagnosed with colon cancer and underwent surgery this last week. So far, she does not have to have a Colostomy and I pray she grows stronger and recovers. It appears they caught it in time and I'm so thankful for that.

In 2002 ago my mother died of colon cancer after a long illness. Although terminal, she fought a very good battle. It was a case of having cancer, but a Dr. who didn't really listen to a patient stating she had some pain so it had progressed too far before he took action. After a period of time and several surgeries, she had to have a Colostomy. My wife told me that my mom told her that she could see I was really bothered when I first saw it. But there was much more to it that what she believed.

In Vietnam I saw a  few patients who, due to wounds, had to have colostomy/stomach surgery. My first encounter was when I saw a patient on the Post Op Ward . How can I describe what I saw and experienced that first time. The incisions, bandages, and odor. All of these combined were overwhelming to me at first, not knowing or understanding what had happened, etc. And then I  felt so bad for those young men and just so helpless. I hated what was happening to them and just could not understand why.

But there was one instance that brings great sadness to me. If I remember correctly, it was a young Lt. brought into the ER. He was in excruciating pain. I was not with him for very long, just to get information from him in the ER and I was there when the ER doc was gathering information. He told the Dr. that he was playing pool. Apparently someone got mad at him and when he was bent over the pool table making a shot the other GI rammed the pool stick up his ass. (No better way to say this.) Again, he was in so much pain and every move caused even more excruciating pain.

I left the ER before he was examined and I can't remember what happened or the outcome of his surgery or his prognosis. All I know is that this poor GI was in such pain and I suspect his life will remain altered due to this senseless act. And I also suspect he ended up with a Colostomy. I often think of him and wonder how he is and what became of him. So, whenever I hear of a Colostomy, I remember this young Lt. and think of him and say prayers for him. I find this the hardest part - not knowing the outcome of those who I came in contact with at the 24th. It leaves such an empty feeling and I so want to know what happened to them. I can only remember them and keep them in my prayers.

I also want to say that several years ago I read an article of a GI in Iraq who was in an ambush. He suffered multiple wounds and also ended up with a permanent Colostomy. He went on to set-up a group to send school supplies to Iraqi school children. He to has been in my prayers as well.

I pray to God for all our Veterans and those now serving our Country.

Did You Ever?

Did you ever? Did you ever just sit back and just wonder? That is something I have been doing more of lately. I'm not sure what is driving it. Could it be because I'm getting to that certain age? Could it be that I'm just tired? Or is it that I now want to think more of me and in doing so all the "Did You Ever?" comes up?

Did you ever want to start life over, knowing what you know now?
Did you ever want to tell your parents you now understand how difficult it was being a parent?
Did you ever wish you studied harder, put forth more effort?
Did you ever wish you were a better parent knowing you did your best but believe you've failed?
Did you ever want to be more honest?
Did you ever really want to be yourself instead of something other than what who you appear to be?
Did you ever want to just stand up for what is right and your beliefs rather than being silent?
Did you ever want to touch peoples lives in ways others have not?
Did you ever want to be truly loved for who you are?
Did you ever want to make a difference?
Did you ever want people to remember you as someone who touched a life and someone special?
Did you ever want to be heard?
Did you ever wish you had money or were rich?
Did you ever want to meet people from Russia, China, North Korea and really sit down and just really, really, openly talk and learn.

There are so many "Did You Ever?" that comes to mind that I can't list them all. And many of them would never be realized and some may viewed as just stupid. And if I were rich I'd share it with those who needed it so I'd never be rich, and so on, and so on.  And I guess of the "Did You Ever?", there is a number one "Did You Ever?" I really wanted to do:

Did you ever want to go back to Vietnam? Absolutely. I think of Vietnam all the time. Will it make a difference in my life if I go back? I don't know but I sure hoped I'd get that chance. I always wanted to go there with my son who was adopted from Korea. For some reason I have always thought it would bring some closure for me. It would also be an experience both of us would cherish and he and I have had this quiet connection regarding Vietnam. I suspect I'll never have that opportunity.

Well, it's time to get some ZZZZZZZZZZsss and I hope that tomorrow I can lighten up some. It seems I have been on such a downward spiral and so sad for a very long time. I just can't seem to shake it. I guess it's just another one of those "Did You Evers?"

Good Night -