Did You Ever?

Did you ever? Did you ever just sit back and just wonder? That is something I have been doing more of lately. I'm not sure what is driving it. Could it be because I'm getting to that certain age? Could it be that I'm just tired? Or is it that I now want to think more of me and in doing so all the "Did You Ever?" comes up?

Did you ever want to start life over, knowing what you know now?
Did you ever want to tell your parents you now understand how difficult it was being a parent?
Did you ever wish you studied harder, put forth more effort?
Did you ever wish you were a better parent knowing you did your best but believe you've failed?
Did you ever want to be more honest?
Did you ever really want to be yourself instead of something other than what who you appear to be?
Did you ever want to just stand up for what is right and your beliefs rather than being silent?
Did you ever want to touch peoples lives in ways others have not?
Did you ever want to be truly loved for who you are?
Did you ever want to make a difference?
Did you ever want people to remember you as someone who touched a life and someone special?
Did you ever want to be heard?
Did you ever wish you had money or were rich?
Did you ever want to meet people from Russia, China, North Korea and really sit down and just really, really, openly talk and learn.

There are so many "Did You Ever?" that comes to mind that I can't list them all. And many of them would never be realized and some may viewed as just stupid. And if I were rich I'd share it with those who needed it so I'd never be rich, and so on, and so on.  And I guess of the "Did You Ever?", there is a number one "Did You Ever?" I really wanted to do:

Did you ever want to go back to Vietnam? Absolutely. I think of Vietnam all the time. Will it make a difference in my life if I go back? I don't know but I sure hoped I'd get that chance. I always wanted to go there with my son who was adopted from Korea. For some reason I have always thought it would bring some closure for me. It would also be an experience both of us would cherish and he and I have had this quiet connection regarding Vietnam. I suspect I'll never have that opportunity.

Well, it's time to get some ZZZZZZZZZZsss and I hope that tomorrow I can lighten up some. It seems I have been on such a downward spiral and so sad for a very long time. I just can't seem to shake it. I guess it's just another one of those "Did You Evers?"

Good Night -