Father's day

Today is Fathers Day. For some it is getting together with your father and spending time with him. For others it may be calling him from a distance, SKYPE, etc. and telling him happy fathers day. For some it may be not wanting to remember him at all. And then there are those who lost their father before they met him due to his death in war or those who knew their father but also lost them due to war or death. I thought of those children today and how much they must miss their father. It is a day for remembering and thanking them for being in their life. As I think of my father I think of man that I believe was very shy and one who never quite felt he measured up as a husband, father, provider, worker, etc. I was the oldest of five boys and I never felt he really loved me or that I measured up to what he thought a son should have been. I remember when I was in my 30's I put my arms around him at a wedding and tried to kiss him and tell him I loved him. It didn't go as I wanted and I was so hurt. It was not until he was dying and in hospice that I realized he loved me. We were taking turns taking care of him at his home. I remember telling him my first day/night staying with him that he took car of me when I was a kid and that he had done his best and now it was my time and for him not to worry when I changed him, etc. I always made sure to tell him I loved him. And then one night in a very gravely voice I heard him say "I love you too Mickey." He had lost much of his ability to speak but I did hear that. And he would be in his room and call me "Mickey", "Mickey", to come into his room. Words cannot express my happiness and feelings. There are not books or instructions to be a parent and some of us just really try and try. In looking back I can now see how much my dad had going against him and just how difficult life must have been for him. I looked at some letters this week when I in Vietnam and I am so ashamed. How I wish I could now tell him how sorry I am. But then I look back and those last few days and never had I felt so close to him and loved him so much. I think he new that and him telling me he loved me and me him was closure. I believe I am very much like my dad in many ways. So dad, I'm thinking of you this Fathers Day with warm thought and prayers and a warm heart. Love - Your son - Mickey