Letter home 15 Mar 71

Dear Mom, Forgot to tell you we got in a guy from Associated Press. His name is William Barton. He and another guy did not stop at a checkpoint in Siagon and a ARVN (South Vietnamese Soldier) shot him. He lost an eye and is very seriously ill. I carried him off the chopper. Also, Francious Sully from Newsweek was here. He died an 1 and a 1/2 later. The final line was for her to send and address and then signed Love, Mic. I have this picture in my head of Mr. Barton and believe I spoke to him and got some information from him after he got into the ER and remember a face and bandages over his eye. I has been driving me crazy looking for this short letter. I was so afraid I lost it and it is just something tat is very importnat to me. I often wonder if he made it and what his future held for him. Always remembering but not knowing is the worst for me. I just want to know, did they made it out safe, to know if they went onwit their lives. I know it sounds crazy and sometimes I feel I am going crazy. I guess the important thing for me is that I will alwalys remember.

Gun Shot Wound - Urgent Urology

The call came in that an incoming chopper was brining in a GI - Urgent Urology. I believe he was either a door gunner or crew chief on a chopper who had been shot. We got him into the ER from the chopper, fatigues stripped or cut off and he lay there with bandages covering his penis and testicles. I remember him being very quiet and pale looking with dark hair and of course, young. He laid on the littter as he was examined by the Doc and was soon taken into surgery. Later we were told by on of the Doc's that he was out of surgery. He said he had lost a testicle but there was no permanent damage to his penis which had been grazed by the bullet. He said he would recover and would be able to have kids. I seem to remember that he was married. As usual I felt such a relief. We had such great Doc's, nurses, corpmen and staff at the 24th and they saved so many lives. You know, I feel such a loss in my life as I think of these young GI's and what happened after they left the 24th. Did they go back to the world, the field and did they make it through their tour. I also think of those who died and their families. I pray for them and don't think a day has ever gone by that I don't think of those young GI's and Vietnam.

Urgent Urology

The young GI came in on a chopper as an urgent urology case. I seemed to remember him when I saw him. But then again we were all pretty much the same, just young men - soldiers and I saw so many coming in. This young man had been circumcised sometime earlier. If I remember correctly, there seemed to be a number of young GI's who came in for that which was probably because there were in the field and easier to keep clean. I think it really didn't matter if one was in the field or not for some of them getting circumcised.

This young man's penis was very swollen, enflamed, etc. and it was clear something was wrong. I remember him laying there on the litter as he was examined by the doctor. He looked so young but then again he / we were all young and really just beginning our lives but beginning it in a war zone.

I'm not sure if he went to surgery or exactly what happened next but I do remember the Dr. saying at some point in time that he had Leukemia. I*m not sure how he knew or came to that conclusion but that is what I remember. Apparently the circumcision brought that to light sooner by what was happening and it not healing, etc. and I remember them getting him onto a medical flight out of Vietnam.

This is what is burned into my memory and I think of him and wonder what became of him and what the future held for him. I hate the not knowing and wondering for all those that came in and our paths crossed for the short period of time. I know it probably sounds strange or stupid but there are times I feel I'm going crazy. I wonder and think and cry and I just feel so lost. And I am afraid, no matter how painful the memories are that I'll forget them and I never want to forget but keep these young Gi's in my mind and heart and always remember them no matter what.

The Bridegroom Documentary

I heard of the Bridegroom documentary regarding two young men, Tom and Shane, their love for each other and the tragic death of Tom. I watched that documentary and I found it touching, sad, yet uplifting regarding these two young men who loved each other so much. Unfortunately, Tom's family could not accept his being gay, his lifestyle nor his partner. How sad for them that they could not accept him for who he was and love him as he truly deserved. During this documentary it stated Tom's dad was a Vietnam Veteran and Tom had went to Vietnam to see the Country because of this.

I suspect it may seem odd to some that a 63 year old Vietnam Veteran would say this but love is love and we all need love. There is a book "Dispatches" where the writer talks of being at a firebase in Vietnam and it is quiet and all you hear are two marines in a sleeping bag making love. Was that a rarity? I doubt it. We were all very young men in Vietnam and fighting for the freedom of our Country but that did not eliminate the need for kindness, a simple touch, a kiss or making love. That did not mean the soldier was gay, although some were. What I think it meant is that at that time and place one needed the comfort of their comrade, friend, buddy, etc. And no one should care. For that one moment those soldiers found the love and comfort they needed and perhaps it was the last time they would ever experience a simple touch, to just be held, to cry in someone's arm's, a kiss or making love. Love is love and we have no right in denying it to anyone.

The Kid

A Vietnamese driver brought in an American woman who, as I remember, was suffering from and Asthma attack . Along with them was the woman's son who was around 10 years old or so. The woman was in the ER being treated and the son remained in the small waiting room outside the ER. Her husband was apparently some big American contractor and she and her son came with him to Vietnam. The woman was calling for her driver and I remember this really irritating one of the GI's on duty with me that night. Again, if I remember correctly he felt it should be her husband with her and he became irriated with the situation.

While she was in the ER the kid got really talkative. He started talking about being home schooled, their house in Saigon, how big and nice it was and how they had everything. Then he starts to talk about the American's and GI's. He stated something to the effect that we had no business being in Vietnam and the more he said the more insulting it became and the more irritated we became.  At one point one of the GI's became so irritated he started to really take on this kid. It was so upsetting to all of us. Here we are in a war zone treating our wounded brothers, taking care of our dead and this spoiled, rude and ignorant kid comes in and tells us we don't belong, etc. At one point I actually thought one of the GI's was really going to go after this kid.

In the end, his mother was treated and they left. Me and my fellow GI's were so hurt by what this Kid said and how he thought he could treat us. I always wondered why a Contractor would bring his family into a war zone but I guess in the end money talks and the "Kid" probably was only saying what his mother and father were saying while they were bringing in big bucks. I wonder how he turned out as an adult and suspect that he grew up and is someone I am glad I don't know or have to be around. He is probably and uncaring adult who only thinks of himself and money and to hell with those who risk their lives and give their all to make sure he, his family and all Americans are safe.

The Korean Soldier

One night two Korean soldiers came into the ER. It was clear to me one of them was an officer. He came over to me and started talking. The problem was it was in Korean and I had no idea what he was saying. He would talk and at times put his arm on the young soldier with him who stood silently. I tried to understand and communicate but with little luck. Then I got it. I don't know how, but I got it. He was bringing this young man as he thought he had gotten a sexually transmitted disease and he needed to get checked out. I have no idea how I came up with it but I got them into the ER and explained what was going on. The Dr. on duty took over and the Officer smiled and bowed.

You know, in Nam we had heard how fierce and mean the South Korean soldier were and it almost seemed to me that people were afraid of them. But was a Korean Officer and you could truly see he cared for his soldier. I was so touched by his actions and concern.

One never knew what would come through the doors. A pregnant mamasan giving birth, a GI having heart attack, overdose, burn patients, mass casualties, etc. Regardless of what it was we were there to take care of them and treat them.

Lonely

I saw the Nut Doctor again today which was a good thing. I've been really sad and lonely and it was good to see him. It's odd what one's perception is of themselves. I've never had what I would call really close friends in school and I felt awkward and was really kind of quiet and shy. I never felt like I really fit in. After high school, at 18, I went to United Electronics in West Des Moines. It was a bad move as I barely made it through high school and never really learned to study as work was the goal and what I needed to do growing up.

 In Des Moines I began to feel "normal". I worked a lot and tried my best at school but didn't really have the basics to be successful. However, I was able to establish some beginnings of a friendship with a few people. And there was one special friendship I had. It was with Steve. He was from Wisconsin and we had things in our past that had happened to us. I'm not sure how it came up, or why, but it did and we had this instant connedction. As a result, I felt we had a very close relationship and even though brief, I remember it and miss it and him. Unfortunately my dad and mom made me come back to NE which really set me back mentally and emotionally. I was supposed to have went to Wisconsin with him and another guy after I returned to Omaha but was not able to. I did go back to Des Moines for a couple of hours but my dad made me bring my younger brother so much that needed saying was not said. Luckily (or unluckily) I just worked again lots of hours and that became a way of life again. I did work at Ak-Sar-Ben which was an Omaha Horse Racing track. I met some guys and started to develop friendships again.

Around this time I was drafted. So here I am this uneducated, clumsy, non-athletic, poor eyesight guy going into the Army. In a way it was a very good thing. I was able to accomplish things I never thought I'd be able to do. I gained confidence in myself and most of all began to actually feel like I fit in again. Of course, I think that would be for anyone going into the service. We are from all around the Country, don't know anyone and are all in the same position. Friendships seemed to come easy and story telling about where we came from, our families, our adventures, etc. came easy. I remember in Basic Training at Ft. Lewis sitting outside with a guy from Maine. It was so quiet and no words were spoken as we listened to Taps. It was a memorable moment.

At Ft. Gordon, I met Dennis Esposito. He was from LA, married and to me a man of the world. I would sit and listen to his adventures in amazement. I kept thinking how lucky I was to have a friend like him and wondered why he'd want a friend like me. I found his address and wrote him a letter after coming home from Vietnam to find out that he was stationed right by me in Vietnam. I was sick at hearing this and unfortunately we lost track of each other and never met each other again.

In Vietnam I met Tom Hamilton. He was from the PA and had grown up very different than I did. He was smart, funny and a good friend. We ended up sharing a Hootch together for about six months into our tour. He was the one who was told to turn up the IV's on the North Vietnamese Soldier I was taught to use the Ambu bag on when he came in via Medivac. He was brain dead and they needed the bed. I was able to find him years after leaving Vietnam and we exchanged a few letters. I think the memories were to much and the contact only made them stronger and perhaps too much time had passed as well.

My final duty station I met Norman Faria from CA. He was, again, someone totally opposite of me and who would have never thought we'd have been friends, but we were. He loved going to a mall in Colorado Springs and see this large parrot at a pet shop that amazed him. Since Omaha was about 9 hours from Ft. Carson me and a number of guys too far from home would come with me. It got to be on a real regular basis. We were inseparable. When I was being discharged he warned me about going home and what he thought it would do to me. He came to see me with another GI once shortly after I came back to Omaha. It ended up being a sad visit. He felt so strongly that I not stay and he ultimately was right. My last memory of him was tears rolling down his cheeks telling me it was not good for me to be at home again. I now know he was very right. And I miss him, being with him, and missed conversations and adventures we may have had.

I made a friend at my civilian job in Denver and it was a good friendship but that ended once I lost my job and moved back to Omaha.

Today the Nut Doctor and I talked a little about friendships and how they are so different and unique in the service and seem to come so easily and are very meaningful. I told him that I felt so much support from the military friendships and that they really saved me. (I have to say that about Steve in Des Moines as well.) Unfortunately, we move on to different duty stations and start the process of meeting new friends again, but for me, I have never forgotten the special friends I made and I am so thankful our paths crossed, even for just that short time. And I am lonely because I miss them. I'm lonely as I have no friends to share my thoughts, troubles, stories and laughs with.

So, to these special friends, thank you for saving me, being there for me and I hope I was there for you. You are missed and in my heart and I have not forgotten you.