My Destiny

Is one's Destiny defined at the time of conception. Is whatever going to happen in our life going to happen regardless and we have no control over it? Are the decisions we make predetermined as part of our Destiny? Or do we have the ability to really change our Destiny based on the decisions we made/make in our lives. I personally believed My Destiny was out of my control and just accepted what happened in my life as a part of my Destiny.

My earliest memory was in kindergarten. I remember several things. My name tag, the room, me and a person in my class banging on a piano. However, the biggest memory I had was not being able to put my mat up in the cubby once, which was too high in this large closet. I tried and tried but could not do it. Being very shy I never asked for help and continued to get the mat in the cubby. Eventually the teacher came and and put it up for me. I told my parents about it as I missed the graham crackers and milk. I remember that my mom spoke to my teacher about this and was angry. I was so ashamed and felt the teacher would no longer like me and that it was my fault.

Today I continue handle many things like this. I'm still what I consider shy, afraid to ask for help and always seem to put the blame on myself. I don't correct people if I am called the wrong name, rarely stand up for myself, etc. I don't want to hurt other peoples feelings but seem to be fair game for anyone else. And sometimes I know I'm going to screw up before it happens and know what will be coming next, "poor Mickey".

As I grew up I always heard, Poor Mickey, everything happens to him. He never has any luck. Gee, I feel sorry for Mickey. This really made me accept the fact that for some reason I was doomed no matter what I did. Bad luck would always follow me. And if there was any good, I rarely ever heard it.

When I think back I see many decisions I made that I knew was wrong before or at the time I made them. Was that part of my Destiny or did I really have the opportunity to impact that event. I'm not sure. So much is going on in my life right now and I'm really trying to look at each new event and see if I can change the outcome to something more suitable and not fall into the "Poor Mickey" syndrome.

Why is this important? I guess because I'm looking at my lifetime experiences more now than I have ever done because of these posts. It really makes we wonder if the outcome could have been different had my decision been different. And even though some of the outcomes could have been different, the experience gained may have helped me at a later time based on that experience.

Well, so much for questions regarding my Destiny. All this wondering has made me tired so off to bed for some Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's. Now, that is a good decision and I'm making it.