Turning 65

This week has been rather tough with a lot of things going on. And then I turned 65 today and it was a very emotional day for me and I really feel for the VA Social Worker I saw today. Maybe I should have told her it was my birthday and we could have chalked it up to that but I don't think it has anything to do with turning 65. The Nut Dr. I see at the VA asked me several times to read Animal Farm. He says I remind him of Boxer. So I read it a week or so ago and I can understand why. I keep thinking if I only worked harder, loyal and taking care of others. At least that is how I feel. It is hard to get out of the mind frame of if I was better, a better person, a better worker, a better father, provider, soldier, etc. What makes it even more difficult for me is that many times I feel that way based on how someone treats me and can't seem to believe I'm an ok person. I really hide who I am, how I feel, etc. I have always felt lesser of myself with some of that coming from other people and how I believe I have been treated. Maybe that is why I am more accepting of people and really don't care if they are Gay, Lesbian, Hispanic, Black, etc. as it really comes down to they are people and what matters is whether or not they are a good person. I can find myself at ease with these people, sometimes more than people I know. Well, the day is almost done and time to get some Zz's. Sleep has been hard this week and two nights ago I seemed to get bombarded in my sleep from GI's reminding me what I did and it was good but that is for another time.