Suicide is Painless????? ---- IT IS PAINFUL

Do your remember that song - tune from M.A.S.H 'Suicide is Painless"? I have heard that music over and over in my head for the last few weeks.

Today a women in Des Moines who works in the same arena as I do sent me an E-mail that a co-workers son committed suicide at 20 a day or two ago and she was overwhelmed with sadness.

In Nam at the 24th I experienced the results of both suicide and attempted suicide a number orf times. And I too have been overwhelmed with grief as to the loss of men who were soldiers and someones son, brother, cousin, nephew, grandchild and spouse.

As a good Catholic Boy and Alter Boy I was always told that if you committed suicide you would go to hell and were a sinner. But then I served in Nam and after I returned I began to feel differently. I missed my family in Nam and everything felt hopeless, just as I am currently feeling. I began to understand how one can be so overwhelmed in life that they either believe that is the only way to end their sorrow or, perhaps they are not even aware of their surroundings, feeling totally lost or just not aware of what is happening and beginning to fall off the edge of the cliff.

Have I ever thought of suicide? Often. I sometimes think that would be the best thing I could do. It would get me out of this sometimes horrible existence and reunite me with my brothers from Nam who my heart aches for. And, more recently, that hopefully I'd make people suffer and I'd feel - there I showed you. But what about those wonderful people who have crossed your path, if only for an instant. Those who you liked right away, who made you smile and in that instance touched your life forever? What about those you truly love and the impact to them?

You know, suicide really isn't painless. One may suffer incredibly before dying or may not die at all. And if they don't die, they could be maimed or disabled for the rest of their life living a truly horrible existence and totally dependent on others.

A number of years ago someone found my E-mail address from the 24th Evac's website who was a Nam vet. He wanted to know so much information about the hospital, casualties, their treatment, etc. To me he seemed to be close to the edge and very very sad. I responded and then made a point to E-mail him weekly and to tell him I was worried about him and to hang in there and that I was there if he needed anything. He too would E-mail me just a short note to say "Hi". After a period of time the E-mails stopped between us but I think of this stranger, a brother of mine, and pray he is well.

Suicide isn't painless and feeling hopeless, full of sorrow and lonely is not painless either. Remember, there is someone out there who cares and understands. If your a vet, go the VA. They have resources to help, something most Vietnam Vets were not aware of or made aware of when they were discharged.

Remember that there are people who really do care and I am one of them. It doesn't matter that we have never met, what matters is that you are a person, one who is special and worth the best life can offer you.